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Deborah Dobbs, Exec. Dir., The Counseling Place Dobbs has worked at The Counseling Place for 24 years, serving as executive director for the past 11 years. Call 469-283-0340 or visit https://counselingplace.org/

As the academic school year begins amid the COVID-19 pandemic, families are stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed. Deborah Dobbs, executive director of The Counseling Place (The CP) in Richardson and Beka Mullins, MA, LPC Associate of The CP, recently provided important mental health check-in tips on LIFT: A Parenting Podcast, hosted by Rev. Kim Meyers at St. Andrew United Methodist Church.

This podcast, available at https://liftparentingpodcast.buzzsprout.com/1210115/5066078-what-to-expect-mental-health-in-fall-of-2020, is part of a new St. Andrew LIFT podcast series titled “What to Expect,” designed to help guide parents during an uncertain and unprecedented new school year. Below is a recap of helpful tips shared during the podcast. 

How do we as parents keep an eye on our children,

checking in with mental health when everything already feels off?

First, check your own mental health as a parent.  It is important to recognize where we are with our own stressors and anxiety. It is easy to fool ourselves and think that we are fine, but under the surface we, too, may be feeling anxious, which subsequently triggers or increases anxiety in our kids. Have conversations with your children and do not hesitate to share that you feel anxious, too. Be careful not to unintentionally unload on children and make them feel like they must take care of us. We want to emphasize security and safety. You can use phrases like, “This is hard for all of us, but this is how we are going to handle it together.”

For younger children, it is important to ask open-ended questions. You can ask them what they think about the current situation or circumstances, and they will probably tell you. They will start to learn that their opinion matters. Sit down and talk as you color or draw together. Participating in an activity together will help children open up.  Listen and reassure them when they express anxiety.

As children get older it is usually more difficult to get them to share. A typical response to, “How was your day?” is “fine.” At night, older children tend to disclose more and want to talk. Be available to them and try to engage them in conversation in the evenings. Keep an eye on their interactions with social media, especially messaging within apps. Also check photos and remind them that posts are out there forever. It is natural for teens to share more with their friends than their parents. At The CP, we are seeing parents who are discovering tremendous anxiety and suicidal idealization on their children’s social media. Do not assume your kids are fine. Invade their privacy. Also check their google searches to discover any specific anxieties so that you can have important conversations.

Mental health should be a continual conversation, so children will feel more comfortable bringing up concerns at any time. Often when you say mental health, society hears mental illness. That is wrong. Health is the key word, and it is an important part of our physical health.

The CP is currently seeing a lot of pre-conditions for trauma. We have restricted mobility, loss of sense of safety, and loss of connection. When we see a threat and have no control over it and see no end to it, such as this pandemic and measures taken to restrict its spread, our brains activate a stress response.  Self-care we utilized last year is not enough in 2020. This is an unprecedented time especially when considering how long it has lasted. No one knows how to do this. Thankfully, parents can mitigate some of these factors. Parents are that safe connection for kids. When we are present with our children, it enables that sense of connection and safety where kids can be honest and real. It is important to be positive and encourage your children’s capabilities. “You can handle this. I have seen you do hard things before. We will get through this together.”

Help your children become self-aware. Both parents and children can find comfort in doing small things they can control in a world that feels out of control. Ask the question, “What can you control?” If they struggle, you can guide the conversation a bit. We can control our breath, our faith, knowing that you are loved, and our responses to situations. Recognize that norms change during extraordinary times and consider making allowances for things you might normally oppose, like rearranging a bedroom or making temporary changes in hair color. 

Navigate disappointments. Acknowledge them, discuss them, and then let children have space to grieve and vocalize. Later, help them to see gratitude and hold grief and gratitude in the same moment. “How do you feel about this? I know you were looking forward to this, and it was canceled. What are you thinking? I know this isn’t happening now, but we have this to look forward to…”  It is extremely healthy to practice gratitude daily.

Talk about things you can count on. You have the unconditional love of your parents; you are a child of God; the sun is going to rise!

Recognize that children with attitudes are not just being disobedient or rebellious.  Something is fueling that behavior. Grace and patience go a long way.

As we strive to love our neighbors as ourselves, remember that your family is your closest neighbor. We are often the hardest on those who live under the same roof. Try to be kind and show love to your family members.       

Deborah Dobbs has worked at The Counseling Place for 24 years, serving as executive director for the past 11 years. Beka Mullins works primarily with teens, and her experience includes teens at in-patient hospitals and group homes. She also teaches social and emotional learning skills to kids and works with pastors and others who work with youth. Visit https://counselingplace.org.

“In this episode of our series ‘What to Expect,’ Deborah and Beka of The Counseling Place provided information that parents all need to hear as we navigate the start of a challenging school year,” said Rev. Kim Meyers, host of LIFT. “Please join us for upcoming episodes on LIFT by visiting and subscribing at https://liftparentingpodcast.buzzsprout.com/. Parenting is hard, and we hope LIFT will make a difference in your family.”

# # #

LIFT: A Parenting Podcast, launched by St. Andrew United Methodist Church in August 2019 and available at no cost on Apple iTunes, is entering its third season of helping parents navigate the challenges of raising children of all ages in today’s world. Along with focusing on everyday parenting issues such as discipline, anxiety, college preparations, technology, sex, and drugs, LIFT podcasts have tackled many additional timely, tough subjects including mass shootings, grief and suicide, the challenges of COVID-19, and race, featuring community leaders, church members and other experts as guests. https://liftparentingpodcast.buzzsprout.com/

The Counseling Place (The CP), established in 1979 as the first nonprofit mental health agency in Richardson, Texas, is dedicated to building, repairing, and strengthening emotional health for people of all ages and income levels in the Dallas area. The CP provides professional and affordable (or free) counseling services to individuals, families, and couples in need of outpatient mental health services; psychoeducational community courses; and a victims’ assistance program through formal contracts with the Richardson and Sachse Police Departments as well as for crime victims referred by any jurisdiction. The CP also collaborates with other nonprofits to provide mental health services to their clients, including Heart of Autism, to help affected families. Call 469-283-0340 or visit https://counselingplace.org/

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Free CHECK-IN service The Counseling Place (The CP), a Richardson-based 501c3 nonprofit organization that provides professional and affordable (or free) mental health services, has a new program to support nonprofit workers on the front lines as well as law enforcement officers, 911 operators, and medical professionals! It is called “Check-In,” and it is free and confidential. It's not therapy and there is no paperwork - it's a way to connect with a human trained in mental health. Through this service initiated with a text, individuals can sign up for a time to check in with someone for a 15-minute phone conversation. That person asks how they are doing and gives them a chance to switch gears and discuss what happened during the day without fear of judgment - all before they head home. Spread the word to help those on the front lines!

The Counseling Place, which provides affordable professional counseling and education services on a sliding scale to all ages and income levels in North Texas, is asking for the community’s support during “North Texas Giving Tuesday Now” through May 5 at midnight. With the onset of COVID-19, anxiety, depression, and emotional exhaustion caused by the virus, uncertain employment, and isolation are making existing mental health problems more complex and creating new ones, drastically elevating the need for mental health services now and in the future.

“The virus has changed life as we know it, and based on what our clinicians are already seeing, we are bracing ourselves for what is to come,” said Deborah Dobbs, who has been with The Counseling Place for 23 years, serving as executive director for the past ten years.

From February to March, The Counseling Place’s referrals of suicides and assaults tripled, and domestic violence increased 30 percent.

“Our current situation, our confinement and lack of mobility with no clear end in sight challenge nearly everyone’s coping skills,” added Dobbs. “People who were recovering from trauma may have their progress thwarted by these circumstances. Think of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. People are focused on meeting their basic needs. Healing strategies, like grounding and mindfulness, take a back seat to having enough food and keeping a roof over one’s head. Consequently, they’re experiencing huge setbacks in their progress.”

“Many people in general are turning to alcohol and drugs, which can cause them to lose tempers more easily and become destructive toward relationships,” added Dobbs. “Relationships that have been volatile can quickly turn violent. Domestic violence victims are one of our greatest worries. During COVID-19 we have been providing services by phone or video. That’s not an option for many victims of domestic violence. We fear for their safety, and we’re bracing ourselves for the aftermath of this COVID Culture. We need to prepare for a surge in services.”

Dobbs feels strongly that the psycho-social impact of COVID-19 is pervasive, powerful and should not be underestimated. “Our mental health determines how we respond and adjust,” she added.

Since COVID-19, there are more conflicts between divorced parents regarding custody arrangements with children. Many teens who are missing graduation, prom and normal social interactions are experiencing anxiety and lack the skills to cope. Some resort to self-harm, such as cutting.

Of special concern is the mental health of the many healthcare providers and first responders on the front lines working in unimaginable environments with worry of exposing their family members and even dying from the virus. Helping the helpers is an important area of focus at The Counseling Place, which provides specialized counseling services for first responders. This effort increased after the 2019 Dallas area tornadoes, and The Counseling Place launched self-care groups for front-line responders in nonprofit agencies.

“After the tornadoes, Cindy Shafer, a forward-thinking leader and executive director of The Network of Community Ministries, reached out to us for help for their staff serving on the front lines, and we later received a grant from the Communities Foundation to support and expand these services to other nonprofit agencies,” added Dobbs.

In response to COVID-19, The Counseling Place launched a “check-in” service to support nonprofit workers on the front lines as well as law enforcement officers, 911 operators, and medical professionals. Through this service initiated with a text, individuals can sign up for a time to check in with a trained professional on the phone for a 15-minute conversation. That person can ask how they are doing and give them a chance to switch gears and discuss what happened during the day without fear of judgment - all before heading home. The service is free and confidential. It's not therapy and there is no paperwork - it's a way to connect with a human trained in mental health. Dobbs explains there is a perception that victim advocates, police, and nurses are supposed to be some sort of heroic warrior, not affected by human sufferings - but it's impossible not to be affected by something like COVID-19.

“It’s critical to help the helpers, and additional funding enables us to expand this service. We must continue to come up with innovative ways such as this to help those affected by this pandemic,” stated Dobbs.

In 2019 The Counseling Place provided individual and family counseling to 555 new clients; served 226 children and teens from all over the DFW area through its psychoeducation groups; and provided victims’ assistance services to over 1,600 people throughout the metroplex. The demand exceeds the agency’s capacity to serve.

“It’s no secret that America has a critical shortage of affordable mental health services, and this predates the pandemic,” added Dobbs. “It’s absolutely devastating when we have to turn people away who have mustered the courage to seek assistance, fighting a widespread mental health stigma.”

According to a 2020 Pre-COVID-19 Mental Health America (MHA) annual State of Mental Health Report, which ranked all 50 states and the District of Columbia based on several mental health and access measures, over 45 million Americans – almost 20% - are experiencing a mental illness; over 10.3 million adults have serious thoughts of suicide in the United States - an increase of nearly 450,000 people from last year’s data set; and 57 percent of adults with a mental illness receive no treatment.

A recent study by Qualtrics identifies the severity of the global mental health crisis since COVID-19. Results show that 67% of people are reporting higher levels of stress since the outbreak of COVID-19; 57% say they have greater anxiety since the outbreak; 54% say they are more emotionally exhausted; 53% say they feel sadness day-to-day; 50% feel they are more irritable; and 42% report their overall mental health has declined.

“We have a long road ahead as we anticipate an overwhelming number of trauma and grief clients,” added Dobbs. “Many cases of the blues will turn into depression, more people will need to grieve after suicide, and even natural expected deaths are taking a greater toll because we are denied the ability to mourn within our traditions. Through ‘North Texas Giving Day Tuesday Now,’ we hope to shed light on this devastating hidden crisis that is going to have long-term effects far past the pandemic.”

 The Counseling Place is asking for your support at https://www.northtexasgivingday.org/the-counseling-place through May 5 at midnight. To learn more visit https://counselingplace.org/

The Counseling Place (The CP), established in 1979 as the first nonprofit mental health agency in Richardson, Texas, is dedicated to building, repairing, and strengthening emotional health for people of all ages and income levels in the Dallas area. The CP provides professional and affordable (or free) counseling services to individuals, families, and couples in need of outpatient mental health services; psychoeducational community courses; and a victims’ assistance program through formal contracts with the Richardson and Sachse Police Departments as well as for crime victims referred by any jurisdiction. The CP also collaborates with other nonprofits to provide mental health services to their clients, including Heart of Autism, to help affected families. Call 469-283-0340 or visit https://counselingplace.org/